Forgiveness
by Serenity Rose 24
Summary: Hawke asks for Fenris to forgive her, but why?


Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age

Forgiveness

Anders watched Fenris as he looked down at Danarius' dead body and as he hovered over his sister.

"You sold out your own brother to become a magister?!"

"You have no idea what we went through. What I had to do since Mother died. This was my only chance."

"And now you have no chance at all." Fenris began to glow as he stepped closer to Varania

"Please don't do this. Please tell him to stop." She begged Elena Hawke, the young blonde haired, blue eyed mage who was standing behind Fenris.

"Wait, don't kill her." Elena spoke up quickly.

"Why not? She was ready to see me killed. What is she to me other than one more tool of the magisters?" Fenris glared at his sister as he hissed the question towards Elena.

"This is your family, Fenris." Elena concluded. Varric felt that he needed to say something as well.

"Elf…Fenris, I know how hard this is to believe, but this is the last thing you want to do." Fenris seemed to think on that for a moment before he snarled at Varania to get out. She began to run to the door of the tavern, but she stopped and turned back to her brother.

"You said you didn't ask for this, but that's not true. You wanted it, competed for it. When you won, you used the boon to have Mother and I freed." Varania told Fenris' back. He whirled to face her.

"Why are you telling me this?" He demanded.

"Freedom was no boon. I look on you now and I think you received the better end of the bargain." Varania left then and Fenris just looked down at the floor. Elena waited for him to say something, knowing he needed time to think. A few minutes later, Fenris looked up at his beloved mage. Anders and Varric backed off a bit to give the lovers some space.

"I thought discovering my past would bring a sense of belonging, but I was wrong. Magic has tainted that too. There is nothing for me to reclaim. I am alone." Fenris looked away from Elena as he said he was alone.

"I am here, Fenris." She said softly. Fenris looked up at her with sadness in his green eyes. He touched her cheek for a moment, but then he turned away again.

"You heard what Varania said. I wanted these, I fought for them. I feel unclean, like this magic isn't only etched into my skin, but also stained my soul. Let's go, I need to get out of here." And with that, Fenris walked out the tavern door. Varric and Anders looked at Elena with questions in their eyes.

"Aren't you going to go after him?" Anders finally asked. "You need to tell me, Elena." The champion looked her companion.

"I know, Anders. But he needs a couple of days to sort all of this out. I will go see him in a few days." Anders just shook his head in disbelief. He had been harboring this secret of Elena's for three years now. Varric just watched the two mages, wondering what was going on.

When Elena did enter Fenris' mansion a few days later, she found her white haired elf pacing in front of his fireplace. As she entered the room, he muttered something in the Tenvinter language.

"No need to go overboard with the thanks or anything." She joked, trying to lighten the mood. Fenris turned to her.

"It means 'you will be the death of me.' Six years ago, I decided to stay with you, in part because I owed you, but I also thought you could help me. And you did. Hardriana is dead. Danarius is dead. I am finally free. But none of it feels like it should. This freedom tastes like ashes." He snarled.

"I always thought it tasted like chicken."

"Yes, joke. That's your answer for everything, isn't it?" Fenris glared at his love, then he sighed, heading for a chair. Elena followed suit. "You are not responsible for my misery. Why am I angry at you? I thought finding Varania would open up a new world, one that was lost forever. But it's gone and I can't get it back. What do I do now, Hawke?"

"Stop waiting for your past." She replied seriously.

"Maybe it is time to leave this hatred behind. It's poison, yet I continue to swallow it. There is no one left to blame. What I have done, I have done to myself."

"You don't have to go through this alone."

"Don't I? We have never discussed what happened between us three years ago."

"You didn't want to talk about it."

"I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me. I deserved no less. But it isn't better." Fenris rose from his chair to stand in front of Elena. "That night…I remember you touch as if it were yesterday. I should have asked your forgiveness long ago. I hope you can forgive me now."

"I need to understand why you left, Fenris."

"I've thought about the answer a thousand times. The pain, the memories it brought up…it was too much. I was a coward. If I could back, I would stay. Tell you how I felt."

"What would you have said?"

"Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you."

"Don't let it happen again." Elena said happily as Fenris came closer to her.

"If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it gladly at your side." Elena rose to meet his lips, but she held back from letting her passions get the better of her. Fenris felt her tense in his arms. He pulled back and looked at her. She still had a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Is there something wrong, Hawke?" Elena looked at him for a moment and then she walked towards the fireplace, not knowing how to answer his question. She watched the flames of the fire dance as she become lost in thoughts.

*Flashback*

_Two years earlier…._

_ Anders stood by Elena's bed as she looked down at her newborn son. He had white hair and green eyes just like his father, but he looked quite human like his exhausted mother._

"_When are you going to tell Fenris and the others?" Anders asked, sitting down beside Elena. The mage looked up at her friend and sighed._

"_I don't think Fenris is going want anything to do with me or his son right now. It is hard enough to get him to go on missions anymore, let alone trying to sit down and tell him something important. We should probably tell Aveline." As if on cue, Aveline's voice called from the main floor for Elena. Without thinking, Elena called to the guard-captain that she was upstairs._

"_Hawke, she doesn't know about him." Panic filled Anders' voice as Aveline entered the room. She stopped short when she saw sweat covered Elena with a newborn in her arms and Anders sitting beside her._

"_What is going on in here?" She asked when she found her voice. _

"_I just gave birth, Aveline." Elena didn't beat around the bush. She was going to need some help if she was going to keep her son a secret from his father and their loud mouth dwarf. _

"_I can see that." She looked at Anders then. "Are you the…?" She couldn't finish the question, but both Elena and Anders knew what she was trying to ask._

"_Aveline, come here and sit down before you fall over." Elena chuckled. Aveline did as she was told. As soon as she took a closer look at the baby, she knew she had the answer to her question._

"_I take it that Fenris doesn't know anything about this little one?" She questioned as she sat down on the other side of Elena. _

"_No, he doesn't and he won't until he is ready to hear about him. Anders is the only who knew all this time. I don't want anyone else to find out right now. Would you be willing to help keep him a secret for now?" Aveline just nodded as she saw the pain the her young friend's blue eyes_.

*End Flashback*

Elena thought about her two year old son that she had somehow had managed to keep a secret from his father and the Templars. The last one was probably because of her brother. He has accidently discovered his nephew one afternoon a few months earlier when he had stopped by to see his sister. She hadn't been home, but Orana had been playing with Zachary in the library when Carver had walked in. He had been shocked to see the little boy that was so much like his father, but there was some of his sister mixed in as well. Elena had returned home to find all three playing on the library floor. Zachary had taken quickly to his Uncle Carver. Her trusted Mabari war hound, Dari was also sitting nearby. Carver had questioned her, but he had understood her reasons.

Fenris watched Elena as she just stared into the fire for several minutes. Elena become aware of his presence as he walked up behind her.

"Elena, are you all right?" He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him. Elena didn't look at him until he lifted her chin to make her look at him. "Elena?" This time, she jerked at the sound of her first name coming from his lips. He had never called her that before. The tears that had been threatening to spill suddenly slid down her cheeks. Fenris looked at her in confusion. He had thought that everything was all right between them now. He didn't understand why she was crying. "Elena, please, tell me what is wrong." Her tears tore at his heart, even though he didn't know what was going on. He didn't like seeing her so upset. "Do you not want to be with me anymore?" His voice tensed as he forced himself to ask the question. She quickly shook her head no. He sighed with relief.

"There is something that I need to tell you, Fenris and I don't know how you are going to take it." She whispered.

"Come on, it can't be that be that bad." Elena seemed to think for a moment.

"I think it would be better if I showed you." She replied, wiping her tears away. Taking his hand in hers, she pulled his out his front door and towards her own home. Fenris just allowed himself to be pulled along. His confusion grew as they arrived her mansion.

"Darling, I think we will have more privacy at my place than we would here." That made Elena chuckle.

"Yes, that is true, but that is not why I brought you here. I have something to show you." She explained as she opened her front door. She knew that Orana would have put Zachary down for a nap by now and he usually like to sleep on his mother big bed so that is where Elena lead her lover. They stopped in front of her bedroom door. Elena turned to Fenris, that worried look in her eyes again. "Now, I must ask you to be quiet while we are in here. I am going to warn you, what you are about to see will change your life forever and will probably make you very angry with me."

"What? Is Anders in your bed?" Fenris asked.

"No." Elena shook her head.

"That is about the only thing that could make me very angry at you." Elena started to move away from the door. "Where are you going?"

"I am going downstairs to the library. I want you to take a look for yourself. You will understand in a few moments. Please, Fenris, remember to be quiet." Elena hurried back down the stairs, leaving her confused lover in front of her bedroom. He sighed and slowly turned the knob, not knowing if he wanted to know what was in the room. What he saw as he opened the door, was NOT what he had expected. There was a small boy curled in a ball in the middle of Elena's bed. Fenris slowly approached the side of the bed, not wanting to wake the child up. As he walked up to the bed, he wondered what the child was doing in Elena's bed, but as soon as he got close enough to see the boy's face, he understood why he was there. He didn't question for a moment that the boy was his, even without seeing his eyes, it was obvious. Fenris just looked at his little son in wonder. How had Elena kept him a secret and why had she? He didn't dare touch the child, for he might wake. After a while, Fenris slowly retreated from the bedroom. As he closed the door behind him, he remembered what had Elena had said before she had went downstairs. She had feared that he would be angry with her, but to his own surprise, he wasn't angry at her. He felt sadness because she had felt complied to keep the small boy a secret. He ventured downstairs to the library. Elena was sitting in a chair, facing the fireplace.

Elena jerked at the sound of Fenris' voice coming from the doorway. She looked up at him with an anxious and concerned expression on her lovely face. Fenris came over and knelt in front of the chair in which she was sitting.

"Did you see him?" She finally questioned after he didn't say anything right away.

"Yes." Fenris choked out. "Elena, he's beautiful, but why? Why did you keep his existence a secret from me?" Elena looked down at her hands to avoid his gaze. But Fenris would have none of that. He gently tilted her chin back up so she was all but forced to meet his eyes with hers. When he saw the tears in her eyes again, he wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but then he feared he would ever get a straight answer from her. "Why?" He said again, this time with a little more force.

"I...I remembered how heartbroken and upset you looked the night you left here three years ago. When I discovered I was expecting a child, I went straight over to tell you the exciting news, but you seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me any longer. So I made a decision that day that I would not let that unborn child be the only reason you stuck around. I also knew you needed time to sort out your feelings and I didn't want to interfere with that. After Zachary was born, I still wanted to tell you that had a son, but I still didn't know how you would react. I was scared and I still am. I was also selfish because I wanted to be the reason you stayed with me, not a child who you might not even want. If you want to walk away now, I will understand, but I thought since you were finally free, it would be cruel to continue to hide him from you."

Elena took a deep breath after she had finished her explanation and closed her eyes for a moment to try to bring her emotions under some type of control. Fenris didn't say anything right away. He seemed to be processing everything she had just told him.

"I meant what I said earlier. I want my future to be with you, Elena." Fenris fianlly said. Elena opened her eyes and looked down at him. "And if Zachary is a part of that future, I have no qualms about that." He rose to his feet and pulled her into his arms. "I love you, Elena Hawke, and nothing will ever change that. I understand your reasons for keeping him from me, but I still wish you hadn't. Over the last few days, I have come to realize that I need to let go of the past and begin to embrace my future. So this will be the first and last time we speak about this matter. It over and done with; there is no point in dwelling on it any longer. Agreed?"

Elena could only nod her head in had fully expected him to come flying into the room, all lite up, and anger just rolling off of him because of what she had kept from him. This quiet acceptance made her feel relieved, but she was in shock that it had been that easy. She never thought that it could be possible, but she loved Fenris more.

"Has he shown any signs of being a mage?" Elena tensed at his quiet question. She knew how much he hated mages. Fenris felt her tension. "I am only asking so I knew what to expect when I meet him." He cupped her face in her hands. "I know there is always a possiblity that with any children we have could become a mage. If I wasn't all right with that, I would not be here." He smiled then. "You never knew, if he is a mage, he might have got it from my side of the family." Elena's eyes widened at the joke.

"Don't you still hate mages? Why would you joke about something like that?" She asked, fianlly rediscovering her voice.

"I do still hate mages and probably always will, but I have learned recently that my sister is a mage. And with the lyruim in my veins, in some ways, so am I."

"Well, to answer your question, no, Zachary has not shown any signs of being a mage yet. But keep in mind, he is only two and Bethany nor I showed signs of being a mage until we were around the age of five or six."

"Mama!" The tiny cry came from upstairs. Elena rushed out into the froyer and looked up the stairs. Zachary was standing at the top of them looking around for her. When his eyes settled on her, he smiled brightly and started to climb down the stairs towards her. Elena went the bottom of the staircase to help her son down the few steps, but when he reached her, he jumped into her arms, making her stager back as she righted her balance again.

Zachary looked over her shoulder to the library doorway. Fenris had followed Elena out to see what was going on. He was now standing the doorway of the library.

"You look like me. Who you?" Zachary asked Fenris directly, not showing one once of shyness towards this stranger he was faced with. Elena turned back to Fenris, unsure how to explain to her son who he was. But there was no need to, Zachary figured it out for himself.

"You my Papa? Uncle Andy don't like you." Elena bit her lip at her son's statement and that scowl that now lite Fenris' features.

"Uncle Andy? I take it he spends a lot of time with Anders."

"Now, Fenris, please don't get angry. Sometimes he was the only option. Carver is busy with the Templars and Aveline is newly married." Elena explained hurriedly.

"I am not angry, but I still don't like it." Fenris sighed.

"Mama, why he have pointy ears?"

"Because I am an elf, child." Fenris answered instead, slowly stepping towards them. Zachary looked at him curiously.

"You still Papa?" He asked hopefully, which surprised his parents. Elena hadn't known that a child who was so young would want a father so badly. She had thought that Anders and Carver would good replacements until she had worked out everything with Fenris.

"Do you want me to be your Papa, Zachary?" Fenris questioned instead of answering him.

"Only if you my Papa. I like Uncle Andy and Uncle Carver, but still want a Papa." Carver was said with some difficulty, but Fenris smiled then, which was still a rare thing for him to do.

"I would love to be your Papa." By then, Fenris had stopped in front of them and he reached out to rustle the boy's hair.

"Mama, play swords?" Zachary looked at his mother. Elena sighed.

"I wish your Aunt Aveline had never taught you. Maybe your father will play with you. Go get them." She set her son down and he disappeared into the library. Fenris looked at her in confusion. "You will understand in a moment."

Sure enough, Zachary came running back to them with two wooden swords in his hands.

"Play swords, Papa!" He exclaimed, thrusting one of the swords into Fenris' hand.

Elena smiled at the sight the two of them made as the ran around the entrance hall mock sword fighting as well as a person could with a two year old child as their opponent. Orana came soon to find Zachary and told him that it was time for his bath and dinner. Elena suddenly realized that almost two hours had passed as she had watched father and son played together. Fenris looked somewhat relieved as Orana took the boy and his swords into the kitchen. Elena couldn't help laughing at his expression as they sat down in the library.

"Now, I know where I can come when I need exercise and to practice my sword fighting skills." Fenris joked as they sat down on a sofa.

"I think it safe to say who he is going to take after. I still can't lift a sword to save my life and he is two and already playing with wooden ones." Elena exclaimed. Fenris looked at her seriously then.

"I guess we will have to get to work on having a little girl who is a mage just like her mother." Elena shook her head.

"I have my hands full with Zachary, I don't need another child right now."

"Well, I didn't say the work had to begin tonight, now did I? I think it can wait until tomorrow night." Fenris pulled her to him and kissed her hard. "Then, maybe not." Elena only giggled as he kissed her again and pulled her onto his lap to finish what they had started at his mansion many hours earlier.


End file.
